Alma - Chapter 30

I think of Korihor often when I consider my recovery from addiction.  I made every attempt to recover according to the management of the creature.  I used my genius to study and learn about ways to escape my problems.  I tried repeated times to conquer my compulsion to sin using my own strength.  In every case I failed, that is until I applied the precious blood of Christ.  The Atonement is the only hope for sinners like me.

Now, I'm struggling to find employment and a means to care for my family.  I just realized that I've returned to Korihor's methods and for quite some time, those methods have failed me.  Once again, in another facet of my life, it is time to apply the Atonement.  It is after all an infinite Atonement and therefore, covers every aspect of our lives.  How slow I have been to understand this.  Colleen Harrison calls my backwards approach Spiritual Dyslexia.  Putting our strength and efforts before the application of the Atonement rather than after.  It's like refusing to go to the doctor until after we've healed ourselves.

Alma - Chapter 29

"Oh that I were an angel."  I have had to deal with this same plea for the past couple of weeks.  I worked as a Wilderness Counselor for troubled youth.  I became very attached to them.  Circumstances developed that forced me to quit that job.  I felt like I was abandoning my young friends.  I had feelings that embarrass me to reveal.  Feelings of indispensability.  I allowed myself to suppose that without me, they wouldn't be able to progress.  I most certainly sinned in this wish that I could bless everyone and not just those allotted to me my a wise and loving Father.  I don't know about Alma but for me these feelings were a mixed bag.  I genuinely hope for the recovery and blessing of each of these youth.  Still, the supposition that I am a necessary part of that process, discounts the power of God and his myriad other servants.  It presupposes that it is me who changes people, that it is my light, my effort and sacrifice.  That is wrong.  It is Christ who changes people.  I can be nothing more than a tiny mirror which, if I am humble and worthy, can reflect the light of Christ into someone else's life.  I must let God decide who, when, how and how much.  It reminded me of that great missionary song:  I'll go where YOU want me to go, dear Lord... I be...say...do...what YOU want me to be....say....do.

Alma - Chapter 28

I often wonder about the thoughts of those Nephite families who lost loved ones as they defended the People of Ammon.  It would be so easy for them to become bitter and full of blame.

Similarly, how do we react to losses in our own lives?  Is it easy for us to become bitter and place blame?  Things like:  "If that Scoutmaster had done his job, my son wouldn't be in this predicament."  If those Sisters would just do their visiting teaching, we could be the best Relief Society in the Church."  The list could go on and on.

I remember hearing Stephen R. Covey referring to missionaries as midwives in the rebirth process.  That was startling to me.  Midwifery, from my perspective is a difficult, thankless, inconvenient job.  Yet at that moment of delivery, after all the travail, literally blood sweat and tears, there is little more rewarding.  It helped me this morning to think of that when I thought of those who gave their lives for the sake of the reborn Lamanites and also thought of their widows and orphans.  They were also midwives in the rebirth of the People of Ammon.  It wasn't convenient, easy or glorifying.  Rather is was grimy, difficult sacrifice with a different kind of reward.

When I am wont to criticize others in the kingdom, which usually comes in the form of blame, perhaps it is because they have in some way made my life inconvenient.  Perhaps I need to remember that the Scoutmaster may have been called for his own growth and progress as much as that of my son and that I need to defend him rather than condemn him.  Maybe I can midwife his rebirth - even if it is a sacrifice.  There are other factors in my son's difficulties and perhaps even with a perfect Scoutmaster he might have wandered off course, just as the Lamanites may have come upon the Nephites regardless of the presence of the Ammonites.

Note:  I have departed from the employment that kept me away and hope to be consistently proceeding through The Book of Mormon again.  You have all been so understanding and supportive.  I may have lost you all, who've probably moved on in my absence.  That's okay, who could blame you.  Still, I need this commitment and will carry on.

Note:  My Scoutmaster example is only that.  I don't even have a son.